Self-Fulfilling Prophecies: The Challenge of Breaking out of Bad Cycles

The work of psychotherapy often involves uncovering themes and patterns in our lives. Where have you had a similar feeling, desire, or relationship before? Tracing the roots of current difficulties in work, love, and play, can often reveal unfinished business and unresolved feelings. Drawing connections between the stories of our past and present can ultimately empower us to choose to write new and better stories in the future.

Margarita Tartakovsky, in an interview with psychologist Dr. Ryan Howes, explores the role of self-fulfilling prophecies in perpetuating these themes and cycles in our lives. Dr. Howes gives examples from his life and practice of our desire to "right" past wrongs, and how self-fulfilling prophecies dampen our insight and hopefulness that we can make positive changes.​

"Often self-fulfilling prophecies are an attempt to guard against grief, failure, disappointment, rejection or any other upsetting outcome. It’s an attempt to “pre-grieve something,” Howes said. “We have a belief that if we see something failing now and start grieving that loss before it happens, it won’t hurt so much.” But that's rarely the case. "A loss is a loss." Trying to grieve before a supposedly painful outcome doesn't reduce our pain. It only creates more of it. And we grieve just the same as if we'd expected success, Howes said. 

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