When people first make the decision to enter therapy, they often feel and say things like, "I thought I could figure this out myself, but I can't" or "I swallowed my pride and called to schedule an appointment." These statements reflect an underlying sense of shame and weakness that people feel about needing or asking for professional help. This is understandable given that people often seek out therapy when they are feeling at their most stuck, most lost, or most disconnected from the people and activities they love and the person they want to be. But as a therapist, from the other side of the couch as it were, I have a very different response the people I am privileged to work with in psychotherapy. I am amazed by their courage in facing fears and challenges, by their wisdom in understanding that they don't have to do it alone, and by the hopefulness inherent in reaching out for help. Making the decision to enter therapy reflects the determination to make a change, and the hope that one's relationships and future can be better. Margarita Tartakovsky recently interviewed psychologists and other mental health professionals to shed light on Why Seeing a Therapist Makes You Strong, Not Weak. Seeking professional help is a courageous, compassionate and smart decision. Seeking help takes self-awareness, work and commitment. It means confronting challenges and working to overcome them — whether you’re seeking help because you have a mental illness or you’re feeling stuck. Aren’t these the very signs of strength? Read more of Margarita's article on PsychCentral here.
The Pixar team has honed their ability to combine humor and creativity without shying away from deeper human emotions. Their new film, Inside Out, centers on the emotions, memories, personality and meaning found by the young protagonist as she tries to cope with moving to a new city and school, while on the verge of adolescence. The film offers insight into the value of sadness, one of those human experiences (along with anxiety, fear, and anger) that many people would rather live without. Our tendency to overvalue positive emotions, often shows itself to be inadequate when we (and those we love) face difficult times and transitions. Sadness, in particular, cues us to the fact that we have lost touch with something or someone important to us. It helps us empathically connect with others, and lets others know that we need their help. Sadness and anxiety often lead people into therapy, but it is important to know that they are not the enemy. As one viewer notes, the film reminds us of the words often repeated by therapists, "it is ok to feel sad." A life without anxiety or sadness is likely also a life without contentment or joy. They are a part of the greater human whole.
The film also explores the role of memories, and in particular "core memories" that help shape our personality, experiences, and identity. We see how core memories fall away when their meaning no longer holds in our present reality. In those times, new experiences, memories, and the full range of emotion are needed as we work to re-understand, and sometimes recreate, ourselves, our relationships, and our world.
Treat your children, nieces and nephews, neighbor kids, or your own inner child to Inside Out. Don't forget the popcorn... or the tissues.
Dr. Ryan Howes, founder of National Psychotherapy Day (9.25.15), and his team released a video series last week entitled Moments of Meaning, featuring therapists speaking from the heart about the transformations that take place between therapist and patient in psychotherapy. The whole series is well done and provides an insightful and moving glimpse into real therapy sessions (all stories are shared with the permission of individual patients, and altering identifying information). If you have ever wondered about the benefits, process, or new perspectives that psychotherapy might offer, take a look at this Moments of Meaning video featuring licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. John Dilley, as he shares his experience of entering psychotherapy as a patient himself.
Psychologist Guy Winch's message on the importance of prioritizing emotional health is a great way to wrap up Mental Health Awareness month. We all understand the importance of taking care of our bodies, seeing the doctor for regular check-ups, and quickly seeking proper treatment for wounds or illness. However, we all too often fail to recognize or seek proper and timely treatment for emotional wounds. Loneliness, anxiety, failure, depression, rejection, and loss all take an emotional and physical toll. No one expects you to "shake off" a broken arm, but we often expect others and ourselves to "shake off" these emotional wounds. Guy Winch gives practical advice and examples of ways to improve our awareness and treatment of these issues with what he terms "emotional first aid."
This article by Vicki Hoefle is a great reminder to parents of the importance of offering children our encouragement rather than our praise. Praising kids for being "smart" (or "fast" or "strong" or "beautiful") makes them more likely to link that trait with their identity - their sense of self. This becomes problematic if they don't bring home the A, don't win the game, etc. Since their identity is linked to those traits, children who have a less than perfect performance often feel their whole identity called into question ("I guess I'm not smart after all."). Researchers have found that children praised for their performance or for specific traits are often less likely to pursue a more challenging task and are more inclined to cheat. On the other hand, children who are encouraged, or praised for their effort, learn important problem-solving skills and tie their performance not to being smart vs. dumb, or a winner vs. a loser, but rather to the amount of effort they put in -- something which (unlike IQ or natural talent) is within their control. Breaking the habit of praising our smart, fast, handsome children for these traits can be difficult, but it is important for parents to model for their children that good compassionate habits are worth the effort.
Read Vicki Hoefle's full article on PBS.org here. |
About the AuthorClinical psychologist Dr. Kristy Novinski contributes insights, book and film reviews, discussions of pop culture, and exploration of news and research in the field of psychology. What I'm Reading
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